This all means something.

Uncomfortable.

Tingling in my right arm. Feeling run down. Too much sitting, too much typing for other people.

Went Goodwill hunting, hoping to find a funky little item or two for a photo shoot this coming weekend. Found nothing, and left with those familiar itches I get when I shop there.

No sign of rain ceasing here for at least another week. Vitamin D and coffee and my eyelids are still saggy.

Period is late, will show up whenever it feels like it. A monthly reminder that I can still make a baby, but am entering into the next life phase.

Uncomfortable. 

Every last thing feels so small.

My promise to myself and everyone is that I will continue to live authentically, without apology, as this human woman who has moods, and feelings, and feels constricted and questions most everything.

Cheers to the new me, because when I am this uncomfortable that I can actually create a list about it?? Then I'm moved to chronicle it. 

This all means something.

Too much writing for others. I've known for a while that by working for other people I'm working for their dreams, not mine. Working for their dreams helps my dream of financial security, AND - you know what I mean. So the tingling - it's a reminder that I will be uncomfortable, physically, until I'm daring enough to say now is MY time. It's the right and perfect time for me to work for my dreams. Which is what I'm doing with this blog. Awesome!

Shopping for gently used clothes has been a true godsend for me these last few years. I've learned what types of styles, fits, colors & fabrics are right for me. I've learned to be grateful for what I have, not judge others and understand the value of money. But the truth is the clothes I buy used generally don't fit me right and, I don't want to be itchy any longer. When I walked out of Goodwill today, I made a decision. I told myself that from this day forward, I would begin shopping at department stores and only high-end consignment shops. Listening to my inner fashionista, woot!

Rainy rainy rain rain rain. Pacific NW. The rain makes it beautiful here. And temperate. And cozy. Here's the downside for me - I love to walk. I mean, LOVE. I love to be outside, active, breathing in the fresh air, connecting to the earth. I go to Zumba and Yoga, and when the sun breaks through I am out walking, and friends have told me I just need to outfit myself with the right clothing to stay dry and warm. Ok, yet, I would be lying if I said I didn't also feel prohibited by the weather here. Another place in the country (or world?) that will be a much better location match for how I'm built? New starts!

My monthly cycle. I'm on the other side of not becoming a mom. I've mourned, and I still mourn. Not becoming a mom doesn't come without regret. I'm also so grateful for my alone time and the space to nurture, heal, inspire myself. I also continue to learn to "mother" myself and others in new and different ways. So I'm beginning to change physically now but I'm healthy and nature is doing what it needs to do, and through this process I'm getting more deeply connected with myself, my feminine nature, my power. Beautiful, sacred me!

So -- today I stepped out with my tingles 'n cramps, into the rain, to drive to Goodwill then to Starbucks. 

But to my credit, before I left home, I consciously packed up my laptop because I was intending to write in this blog at Starbucks.

This all means something.

Despite the tingling arm, the rain, the crampy crankies (and later, the clothes shopping), I had an instinct, a knowing. I somehow felt confident, secure, alive and present to the fact that despite all these representations of "small" today (uncomfortable), that I am indeed growing into a bigger me and in order to be aligned with that bigger me, I needed to write all this down in a blog post. 

Maybe I'm more conscious than I thought.

I know this is real progress for me; I'm not allowing all this uncomfortable stuff to stop me from what life is calling forth now. I've already spent countless years being affected, annoyed, derailing myself and now, I'm seeing all the annoyances not even as distractions, but as signs on the road. Just signs saying "turn the other way" and "your work is done here" and "something else needs you now". 

Honest sharing of all that moves, changes, awakens me is part of my life's work. It's what calls me. After writing today, I feel woven, woven into the fabric of myself. So I suppose I'm now in that life expansion that was pushing me to feel uncomfortable today, compelling me to chronicle here all the annoyances while still being grateful and forward-thinking, and bringing to the surface the phrase: "This all means something". 

And how funny, the tingling? I just noticed, it's gone. :)

Love is the way,
xo lbb.

**Ways I supported myself through today's journey: drank Stash hibiscus tea, massaged doTerra On Guard on the back of my neck (also had two beadlets), chopped fresh ginger, lemon and honey & steeped in hot water, which I drank throughout the morning, deep breaths, and the wherewithal to come to Starbucks to write myself through what needed my attention.**