I spent this past week cleaning out the linen closet.
Our linen closet doesn't just have linen-y stuff in it; over the years it's become a filing cabinet. A really disorganized, hanging-on-to-who-knows-what-from-the-80's filing cabinet.
Knowing that the closet contained years and years of financial and career history within pounds and pounds of paper was making me crazy. So I pulled every last bit out.
Holy crap.
Since we don't have a shredder, I've been sitting on the floor, being a shredder, if you will. And as I've been sitting, shredding, reflecting on who I was in 1998, or where I was in 2001 when I paid that Verizon bill, the thought occurred to me -
The reason I am shredding papers is because there are people out there who will steal your identity. They'll just take your name and info and try and benefit somehow from it.
Immediately I became much older and judgmental in my thoughts:
"What, they don't have anything better to do than to steal my identity? Good God, Get a job!".
And then I wondered about stealing identities, and how perhaps I may have done that a few times in my life - not stealing really, more like trying on another person's life.
Ex: What would it be like to be Katy Perry? Hmm...
Or, a six-figure Executive? Hmm...
Or a woman who is super confident and doesn't care what anyone thinks. (yes, I like this one in particular).
Then my pondering went further -
What about thinking we know another person? Is that like stealing someone's identity?
If someone subscribes to a certain political party, watches certain programming, or has a nose ring, or likes to wear suits, or steals gum from the Walgreens, or sunbathes naked, or believes a certain way about anything, or likes to spend or eat or sing a certain way - do we come up with our own identity stamp of who they are behind what they believe, do, say? Do we steal their identity away from them with our commentary, or ideas, or judgment placed on it?
I wonder about our world and I'm thinking it would be a much safer and sweeter place if we just kept our identities to ourself, and stop deciding who and what others are based on our own personal assumptions.
I suppose then the only thing left to steal would be savory moments from our own lives and enjoying the time we have left here. I can definitely identify with that.
Love in the form of Friday ponderings,
XO Laura.
*** In the wake of the Charleston, SC Church shootings, I send love & healing to the families and friends of those lost, and to the families and friends of the perpetrator. I trust in our Leadership and the people of the USA to always make choices that serve the betterment of all humans, and I hope I don't ever have to write "...in the wake of xyz tragedy..." ever again because it is just enough. Lots of water today, a quick run, and tonight, retail therapy. ***
Friday, June 19, 2015
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Oh, the places I'll go.
Time and time again, I see the dance I dance and, dangit, it's crazy-making.
There's a jig I do. It's mine and mine alone. It's not always the fun, shake my bootie, life is glorious dance. It's often more like the merry-go-round kind, with awful music in the 100+ summertime heat.
Luckily as I age (not always gracefully), with each footstep and dance move, I'm perfecting my ability to tune in and see myself a little further from all the commotion. A little distance from the happenings.
Ahh...
This is a really good thing, to see a new way in, to choose a different place to lay the dance floor, to direct the stormfront a bit. With a little distance, the choices of things to say, feel, do in the moment seem a plenty.
Usually I choose to stay in my comfortable little old dances, though, as if something about the swirling dance party storm I'm creating is comforting, and safe.
When my dances turn into storms, maybe those storms are actually just what I need to catapult me into a new thought or space or place. Like, I am creating the storm for MY benefit. I can at least acknowledge what I've created, see it roaring over me with a wand, and a fire, and a wind of intention. Instead of the storms defining me, they can kick my ass so I can create a brand new dance move. Shake Shake Shake, Shake Shake Shake ...
If I let it take me up and out of the same ol same ol, I could land in a new idea or fairy-land place or clean crisp space or ANYTHING that is better than the repetitive nature of my actions, words, fear, or whatever drama I'm seeking to distract me from whatever good is right in front of me.
But Oh, the places I don't go. I often feel trapped by myself, in a container of my own making. I don't ride the storm, or see it as a way to uproot into a new way to be - I make it a definition of me, I make it a representation of the wrongs. Oh how I'd love to ride the storm like a cowgirl who knows this stuff ain't no thang.
There is always a choice of places to go. There's a sweet little me I can check in with when things get stormy; if I can split off from my not-so-blissed out self for a sec, locate the part of me who knows what is real, that part of me who remembers she created this storm to get herself uncomfortable and learn some things and grow into a more graceful, thankful dancer ... then, Oh, the places I'll go.
Love is the answer,
XO Laura.
*** summertime is here and I love coming alive w/ the sun. Eating more fruits & veggies, drinking less alcohol, jogging during the week. Lavender oil anywhere so I can smell it all day long because I am more often bunched up than not, and, choosing kindness and compassion - for myself and for those I love ***
There's a jig I do. It's mine and mine alone. It's not always the fun, shake my bootie, life is glorious dance. It's often more like the merry-go-round kind, with awful music in the 100+ summertime heat.
Luckily as I age (not always gracefully), with each footstep and dance move, I'm perfecting my ability to tune in and see myself a little further from all the commotion. A little distance from the happenings.
Ahh...
This is a really good thing, to see a new way in, to choose a different place to lay the dance floor, to direct the stormfront a bit. With a little distance, the choices of things to say, feel, do in the moment seem a plenty.
Usually I choose to stay in my comfortable little old dances, though, as if something about the swirling dance party storm I'm creating is comforting, and safe.
When my dances turn into storms, maybe those storms are actually just what I need to catapult me into a new thought or space or place. Like, I am creating the storm for MY benefit. I can at least acknowledge what I've created, see it roaring over me with a wand, and a fire, and a wind of intention. Instead of the storms defining me, they can kick my ass so I can create a brand new dance move. Shake Shake Shake, Shake Shake Shake ...
If I let it take me up and out of the same ol same ol, I could land in a new idea or fairy-land place or clean crisp space or ANYTHING that is better than the repetitive nature of my actions, words, fear, or whatever drama I'm seeking to distract me from whatever good is right in front of me.
But Oh, the places I don't go. I often feel trapped by myself, in a container of my own making. I don't ride the storm, or see it as a way to uproot into a new way to be - I make it a definition of me, I make it a representation of the wrongs. Oh how I'd love to ride the storm like a cowgirl who knows this stuff ain't no thang.
There is always a choice of places to go. There's a sweet little me I can check in with when things get stormy; if I can split off from my not-so-blissed out self for a sec, locate the part of me who knows what is real, that part of me who remembers she created this storm to get herself uncomfortable and learn some things and grow into a more graceful, thankful dancer ... then, Oh, the places I'll go.
Love is the answer,
XO Laura.
*** summertime is here and I love coming alive w/ the sun. Eating more fruits & veggies, drinking less alcohol, jogging during the week. Lavender oil anywhere so I can smell it all day long because I am more often bunched up than not, and, choosing kindness and compassion - for myself and for those I love ***
Tuesday, June 9, 2015
Honestly.
I just re-read my last post.
My level of honesty got me feeling a little queasy. I wondered if I should delete some stuff, but then thought "how would we know that there are others like us out there if no one shares?" and "if I let all this crazy talk stay in my head, I might have a nervous breakdown". Or something like that.
There's not much I can do about it, the honesty thing. I've always been that way. I used to just blurt stuff out, at inopportune times. I suppose that's just a product of being young, or maybe I had some kind of social anxiety. In any case, as I've gotten older, I've developed a keener sense of discernment, and censor when my insides tell me to, but I still try not to withhold too much, from others, and from myself.
Some more honesty with ourselves could be amazing - we would leave the job or relationship sooner, get back to the gym, apologize more quickly. More honesty could temper the world, dissolve some of the isolation so many of us feel. We might take the high road, be more mature, and look at the state of things, the real state of things and then know which direction to move. More honesty in religion and politics could solve things more quickly, bring us together, allow for a new level of accountability.
But so often, in so many areas, we withhold, and avoid, and just agree, and that can just lead to festerings and then we judge and get defensive and ... honestly, why do that?
A bonus is when you are honest, you can also become a good listener to others, and you begin to fine tune how you listen to yourself. Because you know, by being someone who shares, how important it is to be heard. Imagine a world filled with really good listeners, really hearing others, really being heard, really understanding ourselves. Oh the balance we'd create!
So I think I'll keep on noticing, sharing, listening for the timing of things. And see myself, and the world, as good and welcoming mouths & ears.
That's what I know for now, honestly.
in Love completely,
Laura xxoo
** Made a shake earlier with chia seeds and ground flax seeds. I think this will do my body good. Also drinking a ton of water because it's like a million degrees in Portland right now. **
My level of honesty got me feeling a little queasy. I wondered if I should delete some stuff, but then thought "how would we know that there are others like us out there if no one shares?" and "if I let all this crazy talk stay in my head, I might have a nervous breakdown". Or something like that.
There's not much I can do about it, the honesty thing. I've always been that way. I used to just blurt stuff out, at inopportune times. I suppose that's just a product of being young, or maybe I had some kind of social anxiety. In any case, as I've gotten older, I've developed a keener sense of discernment, and censor when my insides tell me to, but I still try not to withhold too much, from others, and from myself.
Some more honesty with ourselves could be amazing - we would leave the job or relationship sooner, get back to the gym, apologize more quickly. More honesty could temper the world, dissolve some of the isolation so many of us feel. We might take the high road, be more mature, and look at the state of things, the real state of things and then know which direction to move. More honesty in religion and politics could solve things more quickly, bring us together, allow for a new level of accountability.
But so often, in so many areas, we withhold, and avoid, and just agree, and that can just lead to festerings and then we judge and get defensive and ... honestly, why do that?
A bonus is when you are honest, you can also become a good listener to others, and you begin to fine tune how you listen to yourself. Because you know, by being someone who shares, how important it is to be heard. Imagine a world filled with really good listeners, really hearing others, really being heard, really understanding ourselves. Oh the balance we'd create!
So I think I'll keep on noticing, sharing, listening for the timing of things. And see myself, and the world, as good and welcoming mouths & ears.
That's what I know for now, honestly.
in Love completely,
Laura xxoo
** Made a shake earlier with chia seeds and ground flax seeds. I think this will do my body good. Also drinking a ton of water because it's like a million degrees in Portland right now. **
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